so, as an exercise for the course i’m taking, i had to write myself a love letter.
guys, that’s way harder than it seems.
so it puts you in this impossible space where you don’t want to be too self congratulatory because that just feels weird. it put ME in a weird space because it truly feels wrong inside to list positives about me – it sort of ties back to what i talked about here, about a fear of satisfaction. but once i pushed past that hump of uncomfortableness, holy crap. the empowerment. the world will not explode or implode and nothing bad will happen if i speak well of myself with reckless abandon. who knew?
so here it is.
i love your name. it’s beautiful, and unique, and doesn’t have many things that rhyme with it. it’s got enough hard sounds to fit who you are, a person who has grown edges. it has always fit you well, through all of your stages.
just today i noticed how the sun catches your skin when walking through the sunset and i thought the particular shade of bronze that shone from your skin was gorgeous. the same goes for your hair, when the light catches it right, it shimmers with deep red. it’s beautiful.
i love you because you think, and because you have many layers. and because, with time, you have the capability to show all of those layers to people who have earned the right to see them. you have been a party girl and a philosophy major. you have found your greatest joys in analyzing the works of history’s most amazing thinkers, of studying the essence of what it means to exist and be a person – and also on strobe lit dance floors, where the beat reverbed through your ribcage and gave you life. you are multifaceted and interested, and because you are interested, you are interesting. i love your capacity and hunger for knowledge, and your curiosity.
i love that you are responsible and that you are careful to keep the bits of your life in order, and that part of that order is ensuring that you are showing appropriate kindnesses to the people you love. you’ve grown to have values and you hold close to them, and you have a tenacity that i have seen in few others. you know what you respect, and you refuse to be the kind of person that you wouldn’t respect.
i love how you have grown into yourself. you used to hide yourself behind big clothes, you used to be so ashamed. slowly, you’ve learned what flatters you and that you can be beautiful, stunning, even. you’ve learned to wear makeup not as an obligation to the world or to hide your imperfections, but for the sole purpose of making YOUR day a little brighter, making yourself feel a little special. you’ve learned that you can be the kind of girl who wears both flip flops and high heels, and that there is no rule in the book saying that you have to fit a mold. as a matter of fact, love, there’s no rulebook at all.
bringing me to the idea that you don’t succumb to pressures as easily as you once did. you’ve developed your own eyes, your own spine, and you no longer rely on the will of those around you to bring you to your truth.
you are strong. you are so very strong. you have stood and survived through trials and tribulations that i know you never envisioned and weren’t prepared for, and you are here and you are ok. you did not let any storms destroy you, and i love you for this strength.
i love you because you deserve it. never let anyone tell you anything else.