sometimes i find that my memory deserts me. i remember the things i’ve done, the places i’ve been, but i look at it all now through old windows where the glass has melted a bit. it’s far away and it doesn’t seem like it was ever real. i can’t be there again.
you can never go back.
i know, listening to this band now, that i had a friend, i had a friend that meant everything to me, and i flew to the middle of the country so we could go to this concert together. my plane circled and circled and there was talk of being diverted, and i was terrified because then we would miss the concert and we had understood each other over this music. i know these facts but the truth of this no longer lives in me.
is this how we grow up?
and despite this disconnect in memory there are the things that i won’t see or do or buy anymore, the concepts that i eschew on principle. things that i see and the bitterness rises on my tongue. i don’t want a part of this anymore. i don’t want a part of the things that remind me, anymore. i want to leave it behind.
the connections we cannot sever.
i woke up in the middle of the night and thought i was watching a movie with lorraine bracco, and i was thinking of when i first watched the sopranos. i was a black tornado dust storm. a vodka flavored disaster. i thought of the beginnings of my connections, my relationships, how it’s all always started. what infatuation is like. what it leads to.
we all come from the same place.
“We all come from the same place.” My mother used to repeat that to me growing up and it is certainly one philosophy of raising children that I wish to repeat to my own if I ever have them.
This is such a beautiful post. Mnemosyne in Greek (mnemosyno – μνημόσυνο) refers to the ceremony we conduct 9 days, 40 days, 6 months and a year after someone passes away. It literally means ceremony of remembrance. The questions you raise, particularly about NOT remembering and how we can go about that, will stay with me today.
interesting to know – i took it from the goddess’ name – well, titaness, according to wikipedia. and thank you, for the kind words. also, yes, a very important philosophy to hold onto, and sometimes mindblowing a bit, i think.
You and your brain and your talent are gifts in my life. I am speechless.
to receive this compliment from YOU of all people – i don’t know how to describe it. it’s such a high honor. thank you.
“i was a black tornado dust storm. a vodka flavored disaster.”
I don’t know how these things come to you; but I pray they never stop.