prompt: what scared you more than anything else? what did you learn about yourself?
again with the disclaimer of, i won’t pick one of anything. too overwhelming for my december stressed out brain.
(also, i’m sort of having a bad night. this colors my results. fair warning)
i am afraid that i don’t know how to operate any other way than alone. i fear i cannot be a partner.
i fear my relationship is falling apart.
i fear that my old hurts have finally caught up with me and had the effect they always should have, and that i’ve lost the real ability to connect. i fear i am entirely too much show, and not enough substance.
i fear that i will never, never be like the rest of you, with lives and plans and things to do and families and happiness. i fear i am playacting, all the time. that i am living an imitation life. i fear that i am incapable, and that i will forever be running on a treadmill, trying, and failing, to keep up.
i fear that i am not worthy.
i fear that i am doomed to only adhere myself to those who will drag me down.
all of these things grip me almost every day.
i learned that no matter what fear of mine comes to fruition, i will stand up when it’s over.
i learned that in order to do something, you just have to stop thinking, get up, and do it. movement requires movement. it seems so simple – and it is not.
i learned that every single move we make is a choice.