thoughts and things, of late.

so we’re a couple of weeks out from scintilla, where i wrote A LOT, for me. and dredged up things i don’t tackle often, anymore. i used to be a girl that drenched herself in the past whenever i could, went swimming in that thick soup, drowned myself in memory. i gave up on that, somewhere along the way. and thank god. that said, when given topics to write about it is the first place i go, moth to a flame, me to my history, and that was – well, it was interesting. it put me in some difficult headspaces, unexpected – i was riding so high on the project that the weight of the memory, i didn’t foresee it. but i managed, and i’m here. and i am happy, at the end of the day, with what i did, who i met, and with having a part in creating something that over two hundred people took part in. that, really, was mindblowing, every second of it. thank you for playing along, if you did, and if you did not, maybe you will next time.

something i am finding, about being this age (a prompt i didn’t write about, but should), is that there is a whole new feeling out process to figuring out who you are. that time and space have changed you, molded you, and there is a person here who is the same in many ways but also new in many ways and me, i’m obsessed with knowledge so i am figuring it out.

i had a whirlwind of a week, running around at a professional conference. it’s not the very first i’ve attended but it is definitely the biggest deal. i took a day to run around san francisco by myself, which was mostly glorious. i exhausted myself, as i am wont to do. i found that i am not as decisive, always, as a i presume, and that i fight like hell to be able to do and see all of the things, when sometimes, i really just need an hour of down time. i loved, though, traipsing around with only my schedule in mind, consulting nothing but my own desires, and being in a new, strange, exciting place. it was good for me, i think. also, sourdough bread, wine, and sea lions – these things are good for everybody.

all of the ducks are in a row tonight, and i am grateful. the bedroom door is shut and my new currant candle is burning (i have a tragic story about the loss of a currant candle once and now i have a new one, so i am very pleased), and the sounds of baseball are flittering through, and i am writing this by the light of the desk lamp, which is much softer than the overhead light. i have cooked and cleaned and done a chore or two, and i am here writing. i’m going to crawl into bed, maybe with the next book or two of the sandman, or maybe with my kindle, or maybe with those two tv shows i consider guilty pleasures (which are not game of thrones or mad men, because they are not guilty at all). i will definitely play some draw something.

how are you, friends?

12 thoughts on “thoughts and things, of late.

  1. Love what you say about the late 20s-early 30s being about rediscovering yourself- I truly believe that the 20s are filled with as much self-discovery as being a teenager– minus the raging hormones and parental oversight. It’s so exciting to be able to work through the issues & write through it- awesome words lady 🙂

    1. it’s a huge, huge theme for me recently – i’m glad i’m not the only one! i had almost the same thought writing this, that it’s really very similar to being a teenager.

  2. I am so thrilled Scintilla happened, even though I kept all my own reflections in a notebook instead of on the blog (had my universe not come crashing down at the same time, they might have seen the light of day…) I am drawing so much joy out of your full days, the novelty, the vulnerability, the discoveries. And I hope you cuddled with the guilty pleasures last night – I certainly did.

    1. hi roxanne! i am so glad you participated, even through your own private journal. we honestly just wanted people to get inspired in some way. thank you, as always, for your kindness 🙂

  3. There is something so perfect about a winding-down time when you can actually hear the silence by contrast against the noise of the recent past. I am glad you have a candle with you for times like this. It is a good setting for figuring things out.

    As for me, I have just finished a lemon ginger tea and am getting ready for sleep, and lemon ginger tea is my currant candle. Everything is just.damn.fine.

  4. I’m glad you’re back! And down-time is one of the most important things, I think. It’s good to appreciate those quiet nights after you’ve had a long, busy day.

  5. I just came here to find this post and although I’m so late I want to comment 🙂 I appreciate that you shared what the project awoke in you. I’ve loved reading what you’ve written.

    I was amazed how powerful the project was, finding all of these facets of my past that I haven’t thought about in a long time (burned all of my thought books a few years ago to let go of it all). I was also hit by shyness after the project, I’m just now coming back to reading the blogs and maybe I’ll brave twitter one day again. But in one word, scintilla was enlivening for me. Thank you so much <3

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