i’m out to lunch, and an¬†acquaintance, we’ll call him A, ¬†is there – we’ve always been friendly. another person at lunch is playing the game where we’re “casting” everybody around the table – who would play us in a movie. eventually he turns to me, and since the game has been going on for a while i’ve been thinking about it, and my response is “mila kunis”. which immediately elicits a derisive snort from A. pretty much the last thing you could accuse me of being is a shy wallflowery type, so i immediately turn to him and say “what the fuck, A? what does THAT mean?”, and he tries very hard to backpedal away from his response.

commentary: A lacks a filter. that’s ok – i do sometimes too, and i’ve offended people. while i was offended, a simple apology would have taken care of it.

more commentary: i am pretty unaware of the ins and outs of pop culture, and someone told me years ago that i look like mila kunis. *shrug* ok. in no way do i think i’m some fhm model (do they still even do fhm? is that a thing?). this is not the first time it’s been brought to my attention that i am a girl of fairly average, if that, attractiveness. i am not a bastion of confidence to begin with so…that.

i’m also – well – i’ve been described as a dog with a bone. so my ragging on A continues for a few minutes, until he offers me some of his chocolate dessert in apology and i say, “no, that might make me fat and then i’d be EVEN UGLIER so i’d better not”. A lowers his voice a bit and says, “look, you are really really making me feel like an asshole and it was NOT that big a deal so you need to just drop it”. i look at him incredulously (mostly that someone just tried to tell me what i needed to do), but for the sake of not making a scene, as it wasn’t the place nor time, i dropped it.

commentary: i’ve been known to push an issue further than other people are comfortable when something has offended me. i can accept that i may have done that.

more commentary: however, *I* don’t have to do a damn thing because *you* feel like an asshole. you caused you to feel like an asshole. you could just apologize for the assholish thing you did – genuinely.

and now, all of this happened last week. and i still feel, well, ugly. i am familiar with all of the cliches about how no one can make you feel any way without your consent and blah blah (and mostly, to be honest, i find them trite – i am not one for popular quotes or cliches), but the fact is, someone was insulting to me and i have a certain feeling in response to that, and it’s hard as hell to shake. i understand this wasn’t something done out of malice, or with any ill will, but – filterless people (i include myself in this group), for the sake of basic human courtesy and decency, try to develop at least the most basic of filters that allows you to not insult undeserving people. i was in no way trying to equate myself to some hollywood superstar goddess – believe me, i’m not the type – and i didn’t need to be cut down a few pegs.

so, basically, please try to be a generally nice person. because you don’t know how long your thoughtless words stick.

3 thoughts on “ugly.

  1. Okay, first and foremost, if I had been there, he would have apologized. I promise.
    I have only known you for a short time and have seen maybe three pictures of you in that time, but I don’t think you are ugly, or average. Anyone that would or could make you think so doesn’t deserve to be a friend, filter or no filter this guy doesn’t know what he is talking about and I can only assume he secretly wants a schlong up the tailpipe.
    You are beautiful, smart, funny, and a genuinely good person, so tell A to go fly a fucking kite.
    I have spoken.

  2. I remember the day you tweeted some of this, and now that I hear the whole story I’m ready to stand on the sidelines cheering while Jason elicits an apology.

    And that’s the thing. You said several times that this guy has no filter, but the thing is, when people don’t have a filter, they usually know that about themselves and know when an apology is called for. That he refused to give one makes him three different kinds of slug.

    And fuck that noise about being average, because I have seen you and you are gorgeous, so there.

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